i am...

finding gems. breathing. tripping over my own two feet. waiting, wishing, wanting, remembering how much i love to sing. how it feels in my body. opening my eyes and shutting them tight, then forgetting. loving through the pain. falling. down a large hole and scraping the palms of my hands and wondering who is going to send down a ladder. seeing fuzzy. getting the necessities just barely done... shower, food, sleep, court. allowing myself the freedom to walk around the lake and feel the sunshine and distract from my aching to smile and even laugh. i am laughing. allowing. allowing strangers the spaciousness to invite me in for a moment. allowing the curious miracle of absurdity to stand out. allowing the re-organizing of myself and my structures and my ideas of what's possible... shift what's possible. fighting. confused. protecting. releasing. driving and barely noticing that i'm driving. looking for my armor just moments too late. breathing. eating. wandering in circles. amazed at the complexity. breathing into the simplicity. finding gems.